'You Got This, Son!': Why It's OK to Fail.
Losing your job is a bit like going through a break up: if you have to go back to your place of work after the dreaded words have been said then it feels like living with your ex in a cramped space; if you have to hear about or watch someone interviewing for your job, it's like watching your ex be with other people or going on dates and getting over you. And it's hard. The hardest part is that people don't tell you how hard it's going to be. I guess it's like a lot of shocking occurrences in your life.. You don't often know how to or how you will respond. But the most important thing to remember and the thing that I have told myself each and every day after I have woken up and wandered what the hell I'm going to do now are two things: It's OK to fail AND you matter.
Failing at something is what I call a soggy cornflakes feeling. It sucks. And coupled with anxiety and a tendency to see the glass half-empty, you've got yourself a recipe for a very bad time indeed. In school, I was the know-it-all goody-two-shoes who cried if the teacher even told me off for talking. I got good grades and I was always the teacher's pet, and although I was a terrible teenager I adored my family and friends and had a part-time job which I kept for five years. Failure was something that I hadn't really met with such full force. Yes, I'd perhaps have liked better GCSE results and yes I'd have liked to have been picked up by that hot boy at the Year 8 French exchange disco, but that was nothing in comparison to experiencing the failure of being told that you're no longer required for your job or that you're not quite good enough for the job (the latter of which is completely untrue and you shouldn't take any notice of by the way).
I'm not going to bore you with details because quite frankly I am getting over this feeling and I've come out of the other side and MAN does it feel better now, but this last month has been really tough. To some, the reaction may be no more than a shrug. But being told that you're not the right fit for a job can come across as being harsher than it sounds. For someone like me, who takes an ordinary comment and turns it into a beast of an insult, these are some of the worst words you will hear even if the feelings of square peg in a round hole are mutual. On the other end of the spectrum, I can't imagine what it would feel like for someone suffering from severe depression and anxiety or someone without the supportive network around them that I've had (both in and outside of work) to go through a thing like this. I'd like just to make a side note of how brilliant the team I've been let go from have been to me, supporting me through interviews, recommendations and the entire process. The important thing that I try and remember and repeat to myself on the days when it doesn't seem so, is that it has also been one of the best things that's happened to me.
It was J. K Rowling who said it was OK to fail when she tweeted two pictures of rejection letters from two agents when she submitted her Robert Galbraith manuscripts. And part of the reason why I was able to get over this feeling of failure and claw out of the hole that I'd dug myself into was because of her words, the words of someone I admire and aspire to be like. But it was also the realisation that she was right (not that I have ever doubted J. K's superiority in this field. In my eyes she will forever be right). It IS ok to fail, just as it IS ok to make mistakes and it IS ok to have regrets. I remember listening to an interview with a top CEO who said that his best piece of advice for aspiring CEO's was to make mistakes. He said that that was the reason why he'd got to where he was. And I know, from experience, that this is true. When you make mistakes, and big and bad ones too, you know you'll never do it again, and so the next time you come across as big a hump as that you will know which way to turn. It was these things coupled with my absolute legend of a boyfriend repeating over and over the same things to me and not giving up on me even when I was a heap of 'no's' and 'go away's' that got me through my so called failure - I'm not even going to call it that anymore because I don't consider it a failure anymore. To me, I call it a learning experience. And though that may sound like I'm just trying to disguise the truth, the truth is that if you constantly look at the negatives in everything then you will never look up and see anything but your failures (apologies for sounding so trippy and like one of those inspirational quote pictures with the completely irrelevant image). But losing your job or even getting fired from one is something that needs to stop being seen as a negative. Often, it is not your fault as to why a job doesn't go the way you planned. The other thing is that it happens to A LOT more people than you think. Ask your family and friends and you will be surprised how many people have had jobs that haven't worked out. There are also lots of factors that play a part. And you are only one part of that.
The other end of the stick is the 'you matter' part, and this is the most important. One of the best things that I've ever been told was that you're worth more than your job. Buzzfeed and millennial-orientated magazines go on and on about having a healthy work-to-life ratio and yet in a recent article in Style magazine, they claimed that millennial females are the ones that stay late and work extra hours to try and climb that career ladder. One of the things that I've learnt from this job and this learning experience is that you matter more than your job or how it makes you feel. It's important for you, and those you work with (and for) to remember that. You are not a commodity, you are essential and valued as you and you alone, and if you're not valued for you then you're not working in the right job (this is one of those things that is easier said than done I know but it's true).
I kept my head above water. It was near impossible but I did. I went back into the job that hadn't worked out day by day for a month until I found something else and I got up during the mornings when I just wanted to roll over and stay under my duvet forever (channeling my inner Donald Duck in the gif above). It is not often I say that I am proud of myself or felt I was brave for doing something so ordinary but I genuinely am proud of myself for doing those things because I'm a stronger and better person because of it.
Now? I have another job. The team that I'm leaving are an amazing bunch of people and I'm so sad to leave them, but these things happen. It's no one's fault. I know it sounds like a classic break up line but it's not you that's always the problem. If this ever happens to you, and I hope it never does, then just remember that you are worth more than your job and it's ok to fail and you matter because these are the things that will always stay, these are the unfleeting definites, these are the promises that won't ever leave no matter what happens to you. In the words of Schmidt from New Girl... 'You got this, son!' And don't ever doubt that you don't because if you act like you matter then people will begin to think that way too.