76 thoughts you have while writing a first draft
1. Let's do this.
2. I feel very Obama '08 right now. I want to chant YES WE CAN to myself over and over. Because I can do it. I can write a novel.
3. How hard can it be, right? A novel is what... 40,000 words?
4. Maybe more like 80,000 at least.
5. You know what I need to really help my brain flow? Coffee. Or tea. Oh. And maybe a biscuit. YES. Brain food.
6. Ok. So. Let's do this. Just type something.
7. ... Anything.
8. ... Anything at all.
9. It's only a first draft, right? Like, it doesn't matter if it's utter crap?
10. Oh look. Twitter.
11. Ok, going on Twitter was a good thing. I need to be inspired by the outside world.
12. *drools over pictures of Ryan Gosling*
13. Focus. FOCUS. Stop retweeting Matt Haig and focus on your story, damn it.
14. Ok. The first sentence. Yes, we can do this. I feel like this is going somewhere.
15. You're never going to be as successful as him though, are you...? I mean, he's actually written a book as opposed to thought about one and then procrastinated writing it.
16. Shut up head.
17. Hi, I'm Tash and I'm a procrastinator.
18. Oh shit. That's utter crap.
19. The first sentence has to be super intriguing, right? Like 1984 or The Lovely Bones.
20. Can I start my book with a joke?
21. Ok. You know what? I'm just going to write. Yep. Bash it out. Like awkward sex with a friend you don't want to think of in that way but you kind of find cute. No, wait. That's BANG it out.
22. And now you're writing an erotic novel...
23. So far I have the opening sentence and a badly written lead up to a sex scene. I wanted to write a crime novel. What is this?
24. Someone once said (I can't remember who) that you should stop re-reading your first draft and just keep writing otherwise you'll be put off and boy, they were not wrong.
25. Yep, definitely veering off on a tangent right now.
26. Oh. I like this character. Why can't I be like them? They're sassy and arrogant and great.
27. ... And not real.
28. This sucks. This is the worst thing ever written in the history of all writing.
29. TEA BREAK.
30. Ok. You've had a boost now and a little cry. You can do this, ok? The only thing holding you back is you.
31. You are your own worst enemy.
32. Ohh. I like that as an opening line.
33. Tra la la la la. Type, type, type, type. Words, words, words.
34. Words.
35. There aren't enough words. Where are all the words?
36. What's another word for 'eclipsed'?
37. Ok. First chapter done.
38. Phew.
39. Oh. Twitter.
40. Ok, I don't like any of the characters. They're all either the same person or too nice.
41. Nobody likes a character that is too nice.
42. *Sings Roar by Katy Perry under breath to empower self*
43. *Starts singing Disney songs*
44. You know I wish I could have written the Disney films. They're great, aren't they?
45. Not like all of them but maybe some of them.
46. They all had great plots.
47. So far I have an awkward sex scene and a character who is too nice.
48. So, this is why you should buy my book: stuff happens, but not really and they bang it out. THE END.
49. Sex does sell.
50. Ok, what the hell was my plot again?
51. I GIVE UP. NOTHING IS WORTH THIS.
52. So, the key is just sleep. And tea. Tea is the answer to everything.
53. Go, Tash, go. You're doing it. You're doing it. Detach Tash brain from writing brain and...
54. Ohhhh. Twitter.
55. Ugh. *Insert tweet about Donald Trump being an ass* Ugh.
56. Someone should write a book about horrible things happening to Donald Trump.
57. Maybe I should write that book.
58. It would sell...
59. There was someone who wrote a Donald Trump erotica and they made like millions.
60. Apparently.
61. Ok. Halfway through. I am halfway through. What was the main character called again...?
62. Joan?
63. Right. What did I call my saved file again?
64. Ew. REALLY hate that title.
65. We can worry about the title later. What about the end?
66. Maybe it doesn't need an end... Maybe it should be like a cliff hanger and I should just stop writing mid-sentence.
67. Oh that would be pretty deep.
68. Maybe I could not write any speech marks either and go full Cormac McCarthy.
69. I really need to finish The Road.
70. The end is in sight. I can see it. I just need to write this really difficult scene that I don't want to write but kind of have to...
71. Can I just not write it?
72. Ok, if you write this bit you can reward yourself with pudding.
73. Chocolate pudding.
74. THE END. YES I'M FREE. HOORAY.
75. YES. Just got to read through what I've written tomorrow...